Hey Gems,
My first modelling experience was over two days in January 2018. As usual I just woke up one day and made a spontaneous decision that this was something I wanted to get into. I started by messaging makeup artists, photographers and outfit stores on Instagram for advice on how to even begin. After a day of trying I got a response back from an owner of a bridal clothing store. Let's call him...Manj.
Manj asked me to come into his store that same evening to try some of the outfits on and to discuss a shoot further face to face as he also needed to see if I looked the part. I agreed but asked one of my close friends to take me there so I wasn't alone, as my Husband was at work. I ended up trying a few outfits on including the beautiful, emerald green and gold outfit in the above photo. I struggled to put some of the blouses on and off as they were quite heavy, some were too small and some I couldn't reach the zip at the back. I found it quite strange and awkward when Manj then decided to help me, but I thought it was normal and that he must help others since it is his store and I did turn my back to him when I managed to pull the top off. I couldn't really ask my friend for help as he was also a guy.
Manj said I looked like a perfect candidate and that he will send a photo to the owner of the makeup academy to see if she approved. We will call her Nina. Nina messaged him back and said I was suitable to model and that I needed to pick up some outfits the next day from Manj and get the academy the next day.
The first day being at the academy, I was quite nervous and didn't know what to expect. Nina seemed pleasant at the time but didn't really say much to me I was just told to wait until they were ready. I soon realised that this wasn't actually a photoshoot as Manj had told me. Instead I was to be a model for Nina to show her students how to do certain makeup looks. Also just to add, it took me 50 minutes to get to this place. I never drove there before, I was told I wasn't allowed to bring anyone with me and I was not being paid for my travel or my time there. I was told I would only be there for about two hours but it ended up being much longer than that. However I was still extremely grateful for the opportunity.
Once the make up was done and I put on the clothes and Jewellrey and was told to pose whilst Nina and the students stared at me and took photos on their phone. I actually had no idea how to pose so I ended up being directed on what to do. I never got these photos even though I was told I would be sent them. Luckily I took a few myself.
Before I left Nina asked if I could take her money and get her and her students some food just across the road before I left. I agreed but looking back to it now I should have just got the food and ate it myself! When I gave her the food I was also told to return the clothes back to the store. I won't lie I felt a bit like her PA.
I was told to come back the next day to actually be in a photoshoot which would be for the student's portfolio. I agreed and was of course very excited. Again I wasn't told what to expect or how it all works so when I turned up to find two other girls there who were asked to model I was confused. One girl was in the finals of Miss Galaxy and the other girl was either a relative or a family friend. This was when I started to see how different Nina's attitude was towards me. She was laughing and joking with the other two models but gave me no attention. It was as if I was invisible. She also did Miss Galaxy Finalist's makeup yet has put her student's name on the portfolio look.
Nina assigned me to a student who she knew was really struggling to create even a basic look. As the student who was doing my makeup was struggling to do my makeup, and assistant of Nina's took over to fix and complete the look.
Once the look was completed I put on the green dress and I did my first shoot and the photographer who was present was really nice and funny and actually cheered me up. He directed me on different ways to pose and I actually learnt a lot from that very short session.
The student assigned to me was ready for me to model for her next look for her portfolio, however Nina said I was no longer needed, that I can go home now and that the student can use the other models for her other looks. She actually turned the student to face her (away from me) and asked her slowly, "Look at me, do you want one of these two girls to model for you yeah, or do you want her". After which point the student picked the other girls. I was close to tears. I was made to feel like I was nothing more than just a dirty used beauty blender, and I felt so insecure and ugly and angry, but I bit my tongue to avoid causing a scene.
Manj had come into the academy at this point and made me model his red bridal outfit. He said even though Nina didn't need me he wanted the images to promote his clothing range. Nina's face looked like a slapped ass because she couldn't say much...and I loved every moment of it! She bitterly told her assistant to prepare me for the next look. I left that place knowing I would never return even if they paid me.
As Manj had told me he will help me get more shoots I contacted him a week later to be told I needed to make myself business cards and network and that I really needed to get into a gym and lose weight and trim up, as this is why his other models are being paid...and I wasn't. Well it was safe to say I decided I was NEVER going to work with these people again and to this day I still never received any of the photos that were taken of me.
So what did I learn from this experience? I could of just stopped modelling after this point as they made me feel so insecure about myself, but what would that of achieved. Instead I pushed myself and decided to do more shoots whilst learning more about the Industry. I learnt that you need to have thick skin If you really want to become a model (I am just doing it as a hobby). I learnt that not everyone is the same in this Industry and I have met some lovely people. If anyone tells you to change the way you look to reach 'perfection', it is complete bullshit. We all have insecurities as we are all human and we live in a media driven world where edited images of people are shown as a standard of perfection which is false and it's brainwashing yet we all fall for it.
Love yourself before loving anyone in order to be confident. Be happy in your own skin and be proud of who you are. As long as you are healthy, who said you can't eat that tub of Ben and Jerry's! Thanks for reading feel free to leave a comment if you wish, like and subscribe. (Oh God this sounds like I'm back on Youtube again!).
